Recently, I gave a talk on “Achieving Work-Life Balance”.  The young professionals at my presentation participated in an activity where they identified something they thought they should do or be, and then imagined being released from that “should” without any negative repercussions (practical or emotional).  They found it almost impossible to do.

What this points to is that most of us live the lives we think we have to, not the lives we would like to.  We experience many of our activities as obligations – and since there are too many of them, we feel guilty most of the time.  That is, no matter what we are doing or how well we are doing it, we feel guilty about the things we are not doing.

Whether we have families or not, a good balance between work and other life activities is elusive for most of us.  Most of the reasons for this are beyond our control.  (Martha Beck, among others, has written extensively about some of the sociological forces that have put us in this pickle.)  Until we can find solutions at the societal level, however, we have to struggle with it as individuals and partners.  Still, we are not without power to make our lives better – if we will look at the choices we’ve made and be honest with ourselves and each other about what we want. 

I enjoy guiding and coaching people to challenge the choices they’ve made and make new, authentic choices.  In doing so, they come off “automatic pilot” and start to control their lives.  This is hard work, but worthwhile.  Most people who have done it still lead busy lives.  Yet they are less stressed and less at their wits end.  They have a greater sense of control over their lives and a deep knowledge that the things they do have been freely chosen.  This makes all the difference.